a friend of mine just left me a comment on facebook asking if i'd ever go back to my old job. what?!? lol. i was so tearful and rantful and stressed there. i can't believe i came out of it with friends...some of the funniest and sweetest that i've ever known. my current job is kinda boring...it certainly doesn't challenge my skills as a tech the way my old job did. then again, it's elective surgery. it isn't transplants and traumas and codes galore. we expect our patients to remain stable. with that lack of adrenaline-rushed PLEASE let me get these blood products to them before the patient DIES, my job feels less important. conceptually, i know that it's not. if i make a blood group error and cause a massive transfusion reaction, that's very important. i'm learning how to supervise, how to be the problem solver (i use 'the' lightly as i always have my friends at the reference lab and the TAC at my disposal), how to leave work behind at 230pm and enjoy the sunshine even if i had an annoying day. i need to learn to balance my need to make a difference, to feel like i've helped in my corner of the world, with my need to have balance in my life. it's amazingly difficult if not impossible to do that in a high level healthcare career.
yet BOY do i miss the benefits of working for a large academic medical center. the kick ass insurance and retirement. the market adjustment raises. the free tuiton. not wearing teal scrubs every day. ;) being one in a sea, instead of one in a creek. i miss the anonymity compared to the current annoyance i feel every day at lunch while overhearing the high school clique-esque 30-to-40-somethings gossip cruelly in their large table. i miss the pride i felt knowing that i worked for one of the busiest and biggest transfusion services in the country and i was one of its best techs.
i know i'm not ready to go back yet. i need my SBB first, some of the more...abrasive...staff to retire, and a lead tech (on days! i won't give up my day shift!) position to open up. then maybe, just maybe, i will go back?
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